Is Your Son Gay Or Just "Looksmaxxing"?
A parental guide to modern masculinity.
By: Ace Parker
CASINO BOOGIE (CBE)- So your son is putting on eyeliner. And rouge. And he LOVES Bette Midler’s discography. Now, I know what you’re thinking– this kid's one shuffle-ball-change away from you having to introduce him and his “roommate” as your son and his “really REALLY good friend” for the rest of your life.
But do not go gentle into the cold night, my friend. Or at least do not daintily skip into it. Then it would be obvious where junior got it from. Do not go gentle into anything, actually.
This is 2013. Or whatever year it is. Sexuality is as androgynous as an episode of the Teletubbies. Sure, you think Dipsy is getting his Winky Tinky with La La, but what the hell is Po doing watching in the corner? And why does his blanket keep moving up and down?
Sorry, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, your son, the alleged flambe. Well, heed not, padre de familia. There’s no way of telling which way your namesake, and the heir to all of the blood, sweat, and tears your ancestors exhausted to ensure your bloodline endured, swings. Nowadays, it is nearly impossible to gauge a Gen Z humanoid's sexuality from just an eye test.
Take this Clavicular fellow.
While he might be an inspiration for the Sperg crowd because he doesn’t spend most of his life stimming over a spinner or counting how many bricks are on a wall, he’s also an inspiration to “normal” young men.
According to the chum behind millennial moats, this Clavicular fellow is the top of the two-testy-totem. And even though peptides shrunk his scrotum, and someone unplugged his mental modem, this dude scrapes. The amount of squack he’s already had would make even the most libidinal boomer look like a Mount Athos monk.
That's right- Clavicular, Peter Thiel's rentboy, who uses more makeup than Jon-Benet Ramsey and has been carved up more than a Jack-O-Madonna, gets more box than an Amazon warehouse. His nose is shaved, his nipples are augmented, and he's peeping your foid daughter.
And this, absentee parent, is where our original question becomes difficult: does your son take on the jaw, or is he just looksmaxxing?
Back in your day, this was easy. The only men who wore makeup were Gene Simmons or Charlie Chaplin. One man was silent. The other should have been.
In today's day and age, just because your son likes roller disco doesn’t mean he needs a hemorrhoid pillow to sit on at Thanksgiving dinner.
Maybe he’s gay. Maybe he’s looksmaxxing. Or maybe you and your generation failed at cultivating a healthy environment for your children. Is it really the 20-year-olds' fault for acting like a gigolo on a livestream? Is it the teenager's fault for being so confused about sexuality that he thinks smashing his facial bones with a hammer is going to help him find the optimal wife?
Instead of blaming the school or social media for turning your children into perplexed prepubescent sexual schizoids, why don't you get up off your fat boomer ass, stop cheating on your respective spouses, and take an interest in the morons you're supposed to be raising?
This is the nonsensical world you left them.
Ace Parker
Casino Boogie Entertainment
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